BE PREPARED — ISH

Middle Age Merit Badges

Official Program of Troop 40+ · Founded by two brothers, a group chat, and the unshakable belief that this counts as a plan

Program Rules

Rule 1. Activities need not be safe, but death risk shall remain minimal. Urgent care visits are permitted and, frankly, expected.

Rule 2. Budget must be reasonable. A motorcycle qualifies. A Ferrari is a cry for help and shall be denied.

Rule 3. Every attempt airs. Failed attempts air as Badge Denied episodes, which everyone knows are the good ones.

MOTOR & MACHINE

Oil Burner

  1. Own a diesel truck.
  2. Explain regen to your spouse without losing the audience.
MOTOR & MACHINE

Carb Whisperer

  1. Rebuild a carburetor with your own hands.
  2. Engine starts on camera. No cuts. No leftover screws.
MOTOR & MACHINE

Two Wheels, Bad Decisions

  1. Own and ride a motorcycle on public roads.
  2. Dirt bike endorsement stitched separately. It's a different disease.
LAND & BEAST

Varmint Justice

  1. Dispatch one confirmed vermin. Gopher, packrat, or shed raccoon all qualify.
  2. Document the crime scene tastefully.
LAND & BEAST

Freezer Full

  1. Kill an elk. This is the Eagle badge of the entire program.
  2. Counselor sign-off required. Your brother is the counselor.
FIRE & MEAT

Brisket Vigil

  1. Smoke a brisket for ten hours minimum.
  2. The 2 a.m. temperature check must appear on camera, flashlight in teeth.
FIRE & MEAT

One Match

  1. Build a fire in bad weather with a single match. No accelerants.
  2. Crying voids the attempt.
STEEL & SWEAT

Timber!

  1. Fell a tree and land it within one truck-width of the call.
  2. Yelling the badge name is mandatory.
GRIT & SUFFERING

Polar Bear

  1. Full submersion in natural water, in winter, no wetsuit.
  2. The gasp must be audible on the recording.
$
COMMERCE & CUNNING

The Flip

  1. Buy at a yard sale, sell for at least double.
  2. Profit must exceed the fuel spent acquiring it.
40+
HIGHEST RANK OF THE PROGRAM

Grand Geezer

Not a badge. A rank. Worn above all others, ideally on a garage jacket that smells faintly of two-stroke.

  1. Earn ten merit badges, including Freezer Full.
  2. Survive at least one Badge Denied episode with dignity partially intact.
  3. Teach one skill from any badge to someone younger. The program must outlive us.

Badges in Development

Roadside Resurrection · The Brake-Even Point · Sparks Will Fly · One-Shot Backer · Small Engine Necromancer · Field to Fork · Catch & Cook · The Caller · Chicken Tycoon · One Match II: Hot Oil Gambit · Cast Iron Redemption · Sausage Sovereignty · The Cord · Mudslinger · Invisible Mend · Sweat the Pipe · The Return of the Pull-Up · Ruck Everlasting · Ground Sleeper · The Fast · Face-to-Face · Auction Nerves · Clutch Instructor · Edge Lord · The Handoff